Spring/Summer 2015

http://40plusstyle.com/best-spring-summer-trends-women-over-40/

WE CAN WATCH THIS OVER AND OVER AGAIN AND IT MAKES US CRY EACH AND EVERY TIME

There are no shortcuts

"There are no shortcuts." It was like a wake up call to me. Why was I expecting the road to be easy when I know that all of the best things in life come after great struggle and persistence? If I wanted to build something great I was going to have to do it little by little, step by step, obstacle by obstacle until I had done enough for the laws of success to kick in and reward my efforts. Have you ever noticed how the so-called "shortcuts" in life usually turn out to be disasters (or illegal)? They sometimes lead to rapid success or growth but very rarely is it sustainable over a period of time. In my experience, the people that are always looking for a shortcut end up farther behind than those who put in a consistent and sustained effort along the long and winding path. There is no wisdom gained in taking shortcuts and bypassing the struggle. The struggles are the best learning experiences life can offer. They shape and mold us into better people. We cheapen the experience of life if we try to skip part of the journey. Most highly successful people will point back to the time in their life when they had to go through the hard times, the struggles, and the rejections before they were prepared for great achievement. So whether you relate it to a professional career, to your family goals, or any other aspect of life, remember that there really are no shortcuts. They seem to be shortcuts at first but in the end they will leave you far off of the path you want to be on and often require you to backtrack just to recover. The hard times are part of the journey and you will gain a respect for them when they are past. In the mean time, fight on and know that better days are ahead. http://successify.net/2015/02/23/shortcuts/

Less worry

1- worry constructively: The first rule of constructive worrying is to refuse to allow yourself to worry about things that are completely out of your control. Worrying about things that you cannot control or change is completely fruitless. It’s also exhausting and detrimental to your emotional and physical health.
2- find an outlet: Stop repressing the worry – it will only come out in some other way (cue a panic attack, no sleep, or even physical pain like head and stomach aches). Instead, create a release for the pressure cooker in your head: journal about what is making you stress, go talk to your therapist, or even just vent to a friend over coffee. Simply acknowledging that the stress exists is a great way to help diffuse it.
3: put it in paper: “Oftentimes, our stress stems from feeling like we have an overwhelming amount of things to take care of. Our brains aren’t the best at keeping thoughts organized, and sometimes end up making it all feel like one giant mess. Make numbered lists of your daily tasks, keep notes on your phone, or download a task management app to help keep track of your life. It will make the actual day’s activities look much more manageable, and less like a tangled muddle of worry.”
4- Determine what you really want: Worry focuses on the unwanted situation or outcome. Instead of concentrating on what you don’t want, ask yourself what it is that you really do want. In discussing anxiety and worry with hundreds of my patients over the years, I’ve found that many of them have trouble putting into words exactly what they want. It’s far easier for them to describe their fears and concerns. It’s helpful to take the time to state exactly what you want, and then repeat that statement to yourself whenever you find yourself worrying about the outcome,”
5- Engage in positive visualization rather than negative visualization: When we worry, what we’re really doing is engaging in negative visualization. We imagine all the things that can go wrong and we envision bad outcomes. It’s far more productive and beneficial to engage in positive visualization. If you’re worried about making a good impression on a first date or during your upcoming job interview, don’t waste a single second of your time envisioning all the things that can go wrong. Instead, invest your time and energy in visualizing all the things that will go right, and how happy and satisfied you’ll be with the successful outcome.”
6- Ask: What (If Anything) Is Under My Control? “If we were to graph out what people worry about, a huge chunk of it would be things that have already happened and are unchangeable, things in the future that haven’t happened yet, and things that they have no control over at all. So all worrying is doing in these instances is making you miserable, for absolutely no reason. We have to create acceptance that some things in our life will be completely out of our hands. And that can be okay! Life can be an enjoyable ride, even if you’re not holding the steering wheel all of the time. The more acceptance you create around the fact some things are simply a matter of fate, coincidence, or luck, the better the ride will be for you. All worry does is make the journey less enjoyable.”
7- You Can. Then Move On: analyze the situation. Ask what you can do to make it more manageable. If there is something to be done to alleviate some of the worry, do it. Then (and this step is key!) move on to the next thing. Don’t spend anymore of your mental energy on something that can no longer be helped. Instead, try spending time enjoying the things you already have. Practicing gratitude can be a great counter-action towards worrying. Take a look at your life, and then take a second to acknowledge what is already good about it. This will usually make all those things that make us stress seem much less important. Remember, be present and be grateful!. 8- Break the habit: Worrying is a habit, and like all habits, it can be changed. That’s not to say that you can completely banish worry from your life, and you probably shouldn’t even if you could. Small doses of worry make us better parents, friends, and partners. But after you’ve identified and addressed what’s worrying you in a productive manner, and you’ve taken steps to ensure a positive outcome, it’s time to let it go, at least until you decide to address it again. How do you let it go? Give yourself a specific time to think about it and a time limit, and then change the subject in your mind. If I’ve got something worrying me, I might decide to wait to think about it till I’m driving home from work. That way, I don’t let it ruin my day or anyone else’s. I make up my mind to focus completely on my work while I’m in my office, and once I’m in my car, I can turn my thoughts to the issue that’s worrying me. I usually give myself a time limit of 15 or 20 minutes to go through the cycle of worrying constructively—identifying and clarifying my concerns, determining what it is I really want and how I can achieve that outcome, and then engaging in positive visualization. Then I change the channel in my head. I make myself think about something else—what’s going right in my life, what I’m grateful for, and what I have to look forward to. If I find my mind drifting back to the topic of worry, I redirect my thoughts to other topics. Sometimes I have to do this over and over again. Learning to limit and control worrying often takes practice and a lot of hard work, but it can be done.

You are not doing life wrong

You’re Not Doing Life Wrong By Leo Babauta There’s an everpresent underlying feeling that most of us have that we could be doing things better. That we’re not sure how to live life. That we’re doing things wrong. This leads us to try to optimize, to try to improve, but also to feel bad, to seek comfort and distraction, to procrastinate while we seek the answers. This is normal and there’s nothing wrong with it. But I’d like to assure you that you’re doing nothing wrong. That you don’t need to optimize or do things better.
Try this: For just a moment, pause where you are, and soak in the current state of the room around you, and your own state. Just notice what this is like. Now see how this moment is enough. Just as it is. Without any need for improvement. It is a wonder, and there’s no need for more. Now see how you are enough. Just as you are. Without any need for improvement. You are also a wonder, exactly enough. You can go about your day, pausing every now and then to do a check: is this moment enough? Are you enough? And try answering, “Yes, absolutely and wonderfully.” http://zenhabits.net/right/